lockstep

its funny how i think about things from situation of everyday life. as ive been back at my grammas for a few days now, ive seen how… uhh, well, less speedy she is than i. she doesnt move to fast, she hobbles with her cane & walker, alternating.

i have been accompanying her from place to place, driving & helping her in & out of stores & restaraunts.

i have noticed that if i dont think about it & watch myself, i end up leaving her in the dust or if i focus to much on slowing down, she leaves me behind.

i kinda started thinking about how this is so closely related to walking with god. some of us run ahead of god, some of us fall behind… we find it increasignly hard to stay in step & close by to him.

that is the goal, walking in harmony with him, right?

but, then comes the question, how? how do we do that? well, to keep close to my grandmother & not leave her or be left, i observe & spend time with her. i notice her steps, her actions, her pace. same goes for god, we spend time with him. we study him, his word. we learn about him.

i cant walk in step & at the pace of my grandmother just automatically, i have to take note & pay attention, so that if she slows, i slow; if she speeds up, i speed up.

i also have to do the same for god, i have to learn & stay close so that if he speeds up, i speed up. if he slows, i slow. i stay close by his side & am not left nor dare to venture far out.

fear of the unknown.

funny thing the other night, i was eating some dinner & one of my grandmothers cats was observing me from about 6 feet away. i was sitting in a recliner like chair & lucky, the cat, was perched on the arm of the couch. she was visibly interested in what i was doing, what i eating, & wanted some… the only problem, she wouldnt get close enough to get any.

now, this isnt new for lucky, she is a very skiddish cat. she hardly lets my gramma pet her. & no one can catch her.

so, anyways, this cat, knew what she wanted & had it in sight… but was to afraid to move from the comfort & safety of the couch to get it. she wouldnt risk it. even though, she is in a completly loving home, environment & under the care of the watchful eye of my gramma, who cares & loves her deeply. she protects her lil girl lucky from so many things & the outside world of the city streets.

how similar is this cat to me? to you? to tons of others? how many of us know what we want, what we need & what we should be pursuing, yet we dont move from our confortable & safe spot on the arm of the couch because we let fear paralyze us & control our every action? how many of us forget that we are under the eye of a loving, protective, & faithful caregiver?

what are you afraid of right now? what fears are you letting rule your life? …i know my list right here, would go on for pages & pages. but dont be intimidated, just start sonewhere. one fear, remove it. trust that you are safely under the watch of a father who loves you & has your best interest at hand.

jump. venture off the arm of the couch & into the ‘great unknown’… afterall, if you are afraid to try, you’ll never succeed. you wont get what you want, what you need, & what is there waiting for you, if you never step from comfort into trust.

cookie cutter prayers.

here goes… so, i was out with some ladys from my grandmothers church. theyre talking, chatting, gossiping, carrying on… about ALL sorts of stuff. some of it funny, some it less than so.

one thing i did notice though, & have noticed in them, and also others around, is the prayers they pray. no doubt do they have good intentions but man, you can tell theres no passion, no relaxation, no variety. they use the ‘religious’ terms, the ‘right’ words, & BIG words. the prayers i hear are the same ones, verbatum, ive heard all my life from the same individuals. it is all just repetition. they themselves dont appear to believe that they are taking to a living god. that there are conversations to be had, not a monologue or one sided discussion. there is no passion. no excitement, no… nothing. there are just words falling out of a mouth in a distinct, rehearsed order, the same formal order they have for years. where is the drive? where is the joy? where is the expectancy?

why do they have to fit a mold? why cant they be just like a conversation you & i are having right now? why are we afraid to venture away from the ‘standard’? && not even that maybe, but why are we so content with just saying the same thing we’ve always heard & said?

dont be afraid to break the mold. snap the chain. dont be afraid to show passion & emotion. dont be afraid to find yourself stumbling over words, & not using the ‘correct terms’. just talk, its a conversation, a dialogue involving you & a living, speaking, listening god.

a lunch date with a stranger.

There is still some good in the world.

 

As I am sitting here talking to my grandmother, her voice quivery and pain thrusting from deep within, she tells me about her week and the last few days.  She struggles to find positives, joy and things to look forward too.  I probe with questions, and try to stay positive for her, pointing out the good things she has.   I try to give her hope… but she just doesn’t seem to latch on to it, but I wont stop.  She needs to have her eyes refocused on the good that life has to offer still.  Even with her almost constant pain, and heartache, and loneliness.  I know she misses me but also know that me being there will not take her pain away, and my presence doesn’t fill the void she feels.  I wish I could make it all better for her.  But I can’t. 

 

So, as I am talking to her, she’s telling me of a recent outing to Kentucky Fried Chicken. A simple outing, nothing to be excited about for most, but for her, who doesn’t get out much being as she cant move well. 

 

She goes and orders her 2-piece meal. 

Hobbles in and hobbles out. 

Gets home.

Gets everything out and ready to eat.

 

Something is missing.  She has her coleslaw, but no mashed potatoes.

 

She says she calls them up.  They apologize.

 

Here is where a lot places would take your name and have a coupon waiting for you on your next visit, or something of that sort.

 

No.

 

The next question from the caring gents mouth, a surprise… ‘Do you live around here close ma’am?’

 

‘Yes’, she answers, ‘right down by the fair grounds’. (it’s about a mile away from the restaurant)

 

‘Well ma’am, what is your address’, the man continues.

 

She gives him her address.

 

He says, ‘Alright ma’am, give us a couple minutes and we’ll have you your mashed potatoes’.

 

TWO minutes later, a truck pulls up and delivers her a dish of potatoes to go with her simple 2-piece meal.

 

This guy didn’t have to do this.  She didn’t call with the intention of being angry or getting anything.  Just wanted let them know their mistake.

 

This man, let love and his heart shine through that day.  He knew it was a huge struggle for my grandmother to get out and move around, and an even bigger struggle to venture from the house that day. 

 

This guy reminds me on a day that I struggle to see the good in the world, that there is still hope.  That there still are good people out there.  People who care.  People, who whether they know it or not, accept it or not, let the light and love of the father shine through brightly in their lives.

 

I don’t know why this struck me so deep today, but it did.  It gives me an appreciation for the little things in life and the smallest of actions that bring the biggest of hopes. 

missed

i read a story about a kid the other day. a vanderbilt recruit. & a prospected top draft pick of the mlb. 18 years old. the star pitcher of his high school baseball team.

found with a single bullet wound to the head… self inflicted.

this kid ‘had it all’, from the outside it was all perfect, the pieces all falling together on a bright future. what did everyone miss?

sadly, this isnt out of the ordinary for our society.

the ‘perfect’ life. a person has this amazing life, wealthy, high paying job, 2.5 kids, mansion, fancy cars…. yet, theyre not happy. theyre missing something. living a hollow life, just surviving from one depressed day to the next.

whats missing?

you see, you can have everything in the world & still have nothing. you can fill your life with countless possessions, & yet be cometly empty. you can have it all together to the naked eye & be totally shredded on the inside in reality.

we try to fill a gap with people, possesions, money… temporary things of this world, when theres only One person that can fill that void. we try so hard, are told how to get happiness, & aim to buy it, when we are just setting ourselves up for failure. stop searching in this world for a fill that can only be filled by something not of this world.

now, i dont know what happened & the circumstances of the kids untimely death, but what it does seem, is that he was sinply a young man who was desperatly hurting & everyone missed it because he ‘had it all’. i just pray his family & friends find peace through this hard time & hope that his death will open the eyes to others & to help those around them who may be feeling the things this young man was.

just trying to remember that even when we have it ‘all’, we really dont have anything unless we have the One.

just go all out.

Okay, so… a few weeks ago, I went to the lake with a few people.  Was just looking to have a relaxing afternoon with friends.  It was one of the first days that it was legitimately hot in Marquette, which in itself is a miracle for the UP in march, but… that’s another story(:

 

So, we’re at the lake, some are more willing to take the plunge into Da Lake, aka Lake Superior, which is cold in July, let alone March!   A couple just go right in, some stay back and think about if we really want to do this.  I’m in the latter group, weighing if I REALLY want to freeze… lol.  So, stupidly, I wander down to the water and stick my foot in… yikes, super cold.  Now I’m really not sure if I want to do this.

 

BOOM.  Lesson time.

 

It is a bad idea for me to “test the waters” so to speak… the whole, ease in slowly doesn’t work.  It sucks when you’re walking in slowly, trying to get your body to adjust to the freaking cold water.  Bad idea.

 

Same with life and decisions and ultimately, a relationship with Christ.  You can’t be half in and half out; it’s all or nothing.  He doesn’t want just part of me, He wants ALL of me; I am ALL in or ALL OUT, there is no middle. <romans 12:1> When He asks of me to do something or guides my steps, I can’t be shaky, I can’t hesitate, I can’t dip my toe in, I have to dive in… or just get out.  We are not called to be lukewarm followers, that is not a follower at all actually.  That is a lack of trust.

 

We cannot be the salt of the earth <matthew 5:13> if we are only halfway in.   What good are we if we are just floating around, wishy-washy, bland…  we cannot be half-hearted.

 

Jesus says, “‘I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.’”

<revelation 3:15-16>

 

Hear that?  He doesn’t want to just be halfway in, He wants ALL of us.  We are to be a living sacrifice to Him <romans 12>.  He wants every part of us… not just a scoop, or whatever we are willing to give Him.  All in or all out.  He won’t force you; you have to jump in on your own.  Make the commitment to dive all in, and stand by it.

 

So… yea, once again, a lesson is taught in an unexpected place… but I love it.  A great day the lake, a nice chilly dip in the lake to cool off, some awesome company, and something to resonate in my soul.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet.”

<matthew 5:13>

rest

So… its no secret… well, I guess among my friends and myself… I need to slow down.  It’s not something new.  I’ve known for a long time… but, I just don’t know how I guess.  I’ve been told by my friends, a bunch of them, and by the Lord… ‘Kris, slow down’, or something to that affect.  Even people who don’t really know me… have told me.

So, for the past week, I’ve been pretty sick.  And you know what, I still have had trouble slowing down.  There was one day where I spent almost the whole day in bed… it was so hard.  And I still feel like I was running a million miles an hour.  My mind was just going and going and going about all I had to do and get done and what I should be doing, and all that good stuff.

I think, this was kinda like my…. ‘I have been telling you that you need to slow down, you wouldn’t listen… so now, you have no choice’ option.

It is just so hard for me to sit still… and for my mind to sit still.  I’m just really bad at it.  It is definitely something that is being worked on in me, but let me tell you, I am not there yet… not even close.

I have this bad habit of just running myself out, although this week, all it took was for me to walk like 10 feet… but normally it takes a little more.  I just go and go and go until I cant go anymore, and then I try to keep going… I don’t let myself rest and refuel.  It is something I joke about a lot, as well as those around me, but it is definitely something that needs to change.  It is not healthy.  I cannot keep up the pace and I need to be okay with slowing down, knowing that it IS okay to slow down and just ‘do’ me.

“…under the shadow of the Most High I find rest”

I need to learn rest.  I don’t think I know how to rest and how to get rest.  I know where my rest should come from, but getting to that position, I haven’t mastered yet.  I think I try so hard to get it on my own, even when I know the rest I need and desire is not found in anything I can do on my own, that rest is found in the presence of the Lord.  He will give it freely, <come to me, all who labor and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. matthew 11:28>, but I have to be willing to surrender all that’s ‘on’ me and just sit… both of which are super hard for me, even though I know they are necessary.  So, rest… yea, I need rest.  I need to learn how.  I need to let it happen.  I need You and the rest I can only get in that way.

 

 

“Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place, the Most High, who is my refuge”

<psalm 91:9>